D.A. Disappointing Day

With a few days left in my stay here in the Philippines, I have been spending a lot of time with my friends. Some have made me love them more, while some disappoint me in different ways *but I still love 'em!*

I've been thinking how my life will change in Singapore. I have no idea what is in store for me out there. The fact that I haven't lived with my dad for almost 5 years now makes me more anxious.

I dunno what to feel right now. I am actually crowded by this hate in my heart. I feel like a jerk. I feel so stupid. Inappropriate behavior is way past me.. but somehow I did something. :|

Add to this the fact that I dedicated this whole day (Jan 16) for any plans the chess team or the gang will do then my efforts are in vain. :(

I appreciate (thank you) all of the people who have exerted /will exert effort for this day.

As I have put up in my planner, DISAPPOINTING DAY. :(

I feel so weak. :|

I am teary-eyed as I am typing this, and I hate this feeling. I hate it. :|

Cheer me up? Pls.?

New year, New Start

What I did -- 2009

-Had a fun vacation in Boracay with my best peeps Josh, Ryan, Henry, Ed and Butch. We've been friends for 3years now and I know it's getting stronger every year. :)

-Strengthened Social Link (naks Persona! ) with my buddies from school. I love you guys. All of you. This may sound cheesy and all but you know what? I am happy I met you. I am overjoyed. Robin, Mimo, Drew, C, Potpot, Jeremy, Jener, James,Gian, Khay, Joemar. I started out in Info without friends and I am ever thankful I met you guys. Although we've been together for only 2 years (some 1year), the connection we had is wait for it -- LEGENDARY!. :)

-Gym! Yes. I finally hit the gym. :) Wellness is all I'm after.

-Bagyong Ondoy hit us hard but we stood tall and braised ourselves. It proved how strong the EOM community is and how strong our family have become.

-Our plan finally came to be! Yes! Ching and I have been planning to have a vacation in her hometown of Iligan since our Starbucks Barista times. AND finally it came true. It was a short vacation but at least it pushed through! This was the day after Bagyong Ondoy, and we braved the floods of Ortigas avenue extension just to go to Iligan. :)

-Coron, Palawan was a well deserved vacation after Bagyong Ondoy. It was a refreshing feeling to get away from all the hassles of Manila.

-I met new friends that are worth keeping. Intellectual, responsible friends. Although our bonding moments will be short-lived because I am moving to SG, always remember I'll be back. :)) Thank You Bryan, Ken, Yel and GM for sharing such a wonderful friendship.

-I grew more mature. I may not have made all the right decisions in life but at least I have learned from my mistakes as well as from my triumphs.

-I reconciled with my enemies. :) ->well not all of them. :p

-I now have a male godchild! YEHEY! nyahahaha. puro babae kc mga inaanak ko. :))

-2009 marked my last term of schooling (in the Philippines that is) It also strengthened my belief of making 2010 a more productive year.

What I want to do --2010

-Be more than the 2009 MIKHAIL DIZON

-Study Accountancy in Singapore

-try to have a part-time job in SG to support myself (and my expenses)

-Make myself more productive.

-Be more punctual. ^^

-Learn new things. :D

-Overcome my laziness

-Overcome my impatience. Prolong my temper and stop hating the world too much (yes, salamat kay Drew who constantly tell me I hate the world.hahaha)

I do not know what is in store for me in Singapore. I am afraid but I have to be strong. Good Luck to all of us this 2010. May we have a prosperous and wonderful New Year!

Not happy to see High School

"I wish I never went here."

Exactly my thoughts the night of the 26th of December.

I received on the same day a text from my bestfriend that a Batch 2005 reunion will be done in Jay-j's SM Fairview. Hesitant to go, I managed to convince myself that this is the one time I could finally see a lot of them after 5 years without even direct contact from them. I made my way from the tarlac to Sm Fairview in a matter of 3hours.

I was neither happy nor sad with this reunion. I was not even remotely excited with this so called reunion -- and you know what? As I came down to Jay-j's that night, I never felt that emotionless in my life. :|

They say HS life is the best but I beg to disagree. I enjoyed High School but it certainly is not the best. It was my crowning glory but I could never be proud of it as it is only a speck compared to what the future holds for me.

I entered college and I tried to maintain my relationships with my HS friends to a chosen few. I never got stuck in High School, I chose to live freely beyond the boundaries of my comfort zones. I created my own life and tried to experience everything life has to offer. I never got scared of new phases but instead took them as a part of me. I changed a lot from who I am back in High School and whenever I look back.. I felt like I could not reconnect with this people because they hold their lives with the past and present and never look forward to the future ahead. A lot of them still had this "libre" attitude in them. They still are the people i didn't like back then. I was right... Sad but right.

I am not a graduate of UP, LaSalle, Ateneo or any other prestigious University but I have myself equipped with enough guts and knowledge to face the world. I am tired of people always thinking of drinking as a form of fun. I am tired of people who make no sense at all. I am tired of people who are "pasosyal" but can't make do. I am tired of non-intellectual people. I am tired of those people who got their brains in their butts.

I have learned my lessons in life. I learned them the hard way.

As I sat on that uncomfortable chair in Jay-j's and familiar faces came in, I knew I shouldn't be here. I don't know why I felt this way -- all I know is, I just do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was not happy to see 3/4 of those people who went to the reunion just because I don't like them. (period)

Especially that black bitch. . . You know what you did to me was a major thing yet you haven't apologized. :|

Maturity

"I admit. I have my immature points in my life."

It dawned on me yesterday how people can be immature -- that it is our job as mature people to knock on there silly heads and tell them to grow up. It is also our job to understand them in the best possible way without hindering their potential to grow.

It was a big mistake for us to have kept a secret. The bigger mistake was we talked about it often which somehow built up an atomic bomb waiting to explode -- and yes, it did.

I couldn't blame anyone for what happened yesterday. I was in the brink of escaping just to avoid the hassle but I knew I was needed there. I blame myself both for not telling and telling -- no matter how ironic that may sound. I should have never told anyone my personal feelings of distain, I shouldn't have narrated my views. I blame myself for piling up dreadful things. I am human after all. I should have told him but I lacked the bravery to point out the epic failness he has brought upon us.

I am sorry for what I have done but I am happy we have voiced out what we wanted to say even though it was the wrong time at the wrong place. :|

I am somewhat relieved and I do hope you change for the good. ;)

As for that other person -- I am forever doubting you. I am forever putting your name on the list of people I won't be friends with. You only see black and white? well I am seeing you as black and white.

I know that last part was so immature but I have my preferences and I am sorry to say I don't give a damn with people who have their lives enclosed with their egos.

the real meaning

I feel rather frustrated by the fact that I miss Mapua. I miss the days when I feel so inferior from those Mapuans that have such vast knowledge while being able to truly balance their love for knowledge and love for fun. .

I will be realistic. The quality of education in my school has deteriorated and classes have been turned into mediocre "tambay" moments. It is good that the school does not spool feed BUT THEN AGAIN, something is awfully wrong. Something that is overlooked by many of us.

Spend one day in school and you'll figure out what I mean.. :)) I do not want to compare but I can't stop myself from doing so..

I miss the days when our professors have the grading system of either getting 0 or 20 points for one number (five items only).. I miss my professors who gives the formula and 2 examples then let us be. I miss it that we have classes everyday.. I miss the cramming and the headaches, and afterwards we go to someplace to forget for a while..

I miss the days when we talk about endless math problems.. I miss the days when we used to laugh at different things..

I miss the SCANS who are always there to help. I miss Kuya Dek, Mama Tere and all of you who despite your positions in the Organization you are still able to help us..

I miss the times when we used to go to the Tutorials administered by the higher batches..

I miss the times that we respect those who are senior to us because we know they have far greater knowledge of the school than we do..

I miss the times when we cry tears of joy over a 3.0.. I miss the times when I felt really proud to get a 1.25 grade..

I miss the times that I knew I exerted real efforts in studying..

All of those just in memories..

Now that I am graduating..

I feel unaccomplished..

I have plans to study again..

I want to study again.

I find this course I have taken as just a stepping stone in figuring out what I really want in life..

For now, I am planning to either study Accountancy or MBA in Singapore.. If that is not plausible, then I'll work and continue my studies later..

I am rather doubtful that I failed to recognize Computer Engineering as my true calling.. I may have been an Engineer now.

____________________________________________________________________________

Image: Graduate Class of 2009-2010

My supposedly Graduate Class in Mapua. :(

and he was gone

____________________________________________________________________________

He chose to walk alone, though others wondered why

Refused to look before him, eyes cast upwards towards the sky
He didn't have companions; no need for earthly things
He only wanted freedom from what He felt were puppet strings

He longed to be a bird, that He might fly away
He pitied every blade of grass, for planted they would stay
He longed to be a flame that brightly danced alone
Felt jealous of the steam that made the air its only home

Some say He wished too hard; some say He wished too long
But we awoke one autumn day to find that He had gone
The trees, they say, stood witness; the sky refused to tell
But someone who had seen it said the story played out well

He spread his arms out wide, breathed in the break of dawn
He just let go of all He held...and then, He was gone..

-As Told By Ginger

____________________________________________________________________________

I've been feeling this way for quite sometime now.
I hope for something else besides what I have now but I know I have to deal with it.
I know I've wasted too much time, too much money, too much of everything.
It's time I let go of those things that keep holding me back.
I want to fly--to search for that fulfillment I crave for..

I always fall into a deep silence nowadays..
Like I get drifted away by western winds..
Being taken away by the ebb of the sea..
I know something is missing in my life..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

first blog entry. I have not yet crafted a new poem/narrative. I want to start from scratch instead of putting all my works here. :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------